Lucy’s Road to recovery
by Bitchxx
Summary: Lucy Loud is a young girl struggling with depression, and an attempted suicide. Follow her on her journey to happiness.
1. Chapter 1: The Act

**TRIGGER WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS MENTIONS OF SUICIDE, SELF HARM, AND ABUSE. IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO THAT KIND OF STUFF, YOU PROBABLY SHOULDNT READ THIS STORY. THANK YOU.**

(Author note: in this story everyone is the same age except Lincoln who is 12 and Lucy who is 10)

Lucy Loud sat on the bathroom floor, leaning against the bathtub and wanting to die. She held a razor in her right hand and slid it across her left wrist, causing physical pain and therefore taking away a little emotional pain. She's been doing this for a while and fears that she has become addicted. She knows it's bad, but she can't stop. It's even worse that she's only _ten years old._

 _Depression._ It took her a while to realize that's what she had. Everyday was painful for her. At first at was more intense; every day she felt as if she was exploding on the inside and all she wanted to do was scream and cry. Now she feels nothing, just self hatred.

It's almost funny how unimportant she feels. At school she gets bullied often and her anxiety makes the day torture. She can't even be at peace when she's home because of all her siblings. Of course her siblings are strange; she is too and she loves them for who they are. But the thing that makes her different is that everyone else is so _confident_ in themselves while she can't even look in the mirror without wanting to throw up.

What makes things even worse is that she hates living now and can't imagine ever being happy. She imagines herself as a drug addict in the future with no money and in an even worse situation than she is now. What's the point of living? It's not fun, just painful the whole ride through. Well, when she observes other people she notices how happy and carefree they are, and wonders why she can't be like that. There must be something wrong with her.

Lucy wore black shoes, black fishnets, a black dress that was sleeveless and short on her (in a family of 13 there isn't much money for nice clothes) and black fingerless gloves that went up to her elbow. Her siblings (and everyone else) thought it was a fashion choice but in reality, she was covering her scars.

Lucy is short for her age, thin and pale. Her long black hair hangs down her back and covers her eyes. No one knows this, but her eyes are a beautiful pale, icy, blue. She hides them behind her hair because she hates showing emotion, and her eyes show way too much of her feelings and hurt.

Someone knocks on the door and Lucy sighs. Another reason she hates herself. She has so many siblings that they drown her out and she feels unimportant to anyone. Lucy washes off her arms with hot water from the sink (to make the pain last a little longer) and dries them off with a towel. She slides her gloves back on and once again looks completely normal. Wiping off tears, Lucy tilts her head down and speeds out of the bathroom, not bothering to see who was there.

She walks to her room and sits on her bed. Sighing, Lucy picks up her poetry book. The only way out is through writing. When Lucy writes, she pours out all of her feelings and emotions into the page until there's nothing left inside of her.

It was a Tuesday night, so all her siblings were getting ready to go to bed.

Lucy, however, goes straight into her bed without bothering to brush her teeth or change. She's too depressed to even move.

Lucy stares at the ceiling. She wants to die. _Really badly_. She began to think of ways to easily end her life. A gun? No, she wouldn't be able to get one. A knife? No, it would be too slow and painful. Pills? She pondered for a minute. Yes, pills would work. Dad and Lori both have medicine they need to take that are kept in the cabinet. She could easily get to them, and it would be a quick, painless death. Okay, she knew how she was going to do it, but when? This Friday night. That gave her 3 days left to live.

Lynn walks into the room and Lucy rolls over to her side, covering her arms using the blanket.

Lynn looks at her. She's been acting weird lately, which is normal for Lucy, but she's been _extra_ weird. It's normal for her to be quiet. But recently she's just been silent.

"Goodnight, Luce" Lynn says softly. She never gets an answer.

 _The next day at school_

Lucy hides in the girls bathroom. They're coming for her again. They pound on the door and she can hear it louder in her head as the door bursts open and she stands on the toilet seat, locking the stall.

"We know you're in here, bitch. Come out already and we may be a little easier on you" one of the boys says in a teasing voice.

Lucy covers her mouth with her hand as tears run down her face. She manages to keep her breaths silent somehow. They begin kicking open stall doors and Lucy, terrified, finds a vent in the ceiling and slowly climbs into it just in time.

She begins to crawl through the air vent and eventually makes her way out. School is over now and it's beginning to be more empty, meaning she will have less safety.

Lucy decides to make a run for it, and darts outside. She looks for the Vanzilla that Lori should be driving but it's nowhere in sight. She checks her phone, looking at the time. It's 3:50. Usually they leave school at 3:45, but they always wait if someone isn't out yet. Lucy feels something break inside. _No one noticed she wasn't there. Of course._ Lucy thinks about calling someone on her phone to come pick her up, but decides against it because she feels embarrassed at the fact she was forgotten and doesn't want them to pity her or stare at her. There is nothing Lucy hates more than attention.

So at this point, Lucy's only option is to walk home. She begins her walk and everything goes fine. The weather is the perfect kind for her. Cloudy and cool but not raining.

It took her a while to walk home, but on the way she realized she didn't want to wait until Friday. She would end her life, and she would do it tonight.

Eventually, she reached her house and stopped at the front door. She thought about her next moves.

If her siblings saw her, it would just create the sympathy/attention problem she wanted to avoid in the first place. For once, she was glad that she was never noticed because it meant she could easily slip through the door and quietly run up to the bathroom.

She did exactly that. Praying that no one saw her, she fast walked over to the bathroom to find it (surprisingly) empty. Once inside, she locked the door and breathed a sigh of relief. She ran the bath, the water as hot as it could get. Lucy looked through the medicine cabinet and found pill bottles. She didn't care what they were; she figured anything could kill her if she took too much of it.

Lucy looked in the mirror for what she knew would be the last time. She was glad it was the last time, she hated what she saw. Everything sucks. Life sucks. She sucks.

Turning away from the mirror, Lucy was about to climb into the tub when she realized she was still wearing clothes. She pondered for a moment, then came to the conclusion she didn't want whoever found her dead body to see her naked, and so she took off her shoes, leggings, and gloves, leaving her in just her dress. Slowly, she climbed into the tub and lined up the pill bottles on the edge.

She took pill after pill, not bothering to count. She didn't have a glass of water, and she definitely wasn't going downstairs to get one, so she took them dry. Her stomach was spinning, and her head was pounding. She stopped with the pills once her vision got turned upside down and her head felt light. Sinking lower into the water, she layed down and closed her eyes. She could feel her mind drifting, and thought she could finally be at peace.

 _Relax. Just breathe. It will all be over soon. No more pain, no more hurt no more feeling._

 _It will all be over soon._


	2. Chapter 2: The Finding

A/N:Thank you everyone for taking the time to review my story. I took the reviews into deep consideration, and decided I didn't like the first version of my story, so I modified it. Please go back and re-read the first chapter again, it's a version that I'm more proud of because I realized I added something that wasn't necessary to my main idea. Thank you again, and enjoy the story.

Luan was laying in her bed, feeling like shit. She had been fine all day, until she got home. She threw up and felt stuffy ever since. She was home alone too,

mindlessly going on her phone. The rest of the family was out eating dinner at a restaurant, and she obviously couldn't come, seeing as she's sick. Normally the Loud family never goes out to eat, however today was Pop Pop's birthday, so it was special.

Suddenly needing to use the bathroom, Luan got out of bed and made her way to the bathroom. The good part about being home alone is not having to wait in line.

Luan tried to open the door, but found it locked. _What?_ That made no sense. She assumed it was just the doorknob being faulty again (seeing as this was a pretty crappy house). She pushed on the door as hard as she could, with no avail. Now, the door was faulty at times but it never randomly jammed itself shut. Luan began to get extremely worried, and then remembered they had a key for the bathroom door. _Of course there's a key, she knew that._ Fetching the key, Luan unlocked the door and opened it, stepping inside.

What she saw horrified her.

The bathtub was full, and there were pill bottles lined up on the edge. The scary part was what was _in_ the tub.

Laying in the bathtub water was her younger sister, paler than usual, with her long black hair hanging in front of her face and soaking in the water.

Luan was so shocked she lost her balance and stumbled backwards into the door. She tried to scream, but her breath caught in her through and nothing came out. What good would screaming do anyways? No one was home. Tears brimmed in her eyes as her hand covered her mouth in shock.

Luan watched as Lucy's head sunk deeper into the water. She found it difficult to move or do anything for that matter, but knew that if her sister died because she wasn't quick enough Luan would never forgive herself.

Running over to the bathtub, Luan pulled Lucy out of the water and onto the floor. Her skin was ice cold, and she was soaking. She dragged Lucy into the hallway with little difficulty, and then ran to her room to grab her cellphone.

Luan called 911 and after telling the receiver her information, hung up. She was about to call her parents next when she thought, _Why wasn't Lucy with them?_ Luan pondered for a minute and then froze. _Come to think of it, she couldn't remember Lucy driving home from school with them. Did they... forget her?_ Luan felt extremely guilty. The main question running through her head was, _why? Why would a person so young do this to themself? She couldn't understand it._ She always knew Lucy was a bit... different, but never thought she would do _this._

Luan then remembered the situation, and called her parents. Neither answered. Luan felt her heart begin to race, when she remembered she had 9- 8* other siblings. She dialed Lori, and sat on the floor, Lucy's head in her lap, waiting for her oldest sister to pick up. Luan was soaking wet from Lucy, but she couldn't care less.

Lucky for her, Lori always had her phone on her.

"What is it Luan?" Lori's voice said through the phone.

Luan found it hard to talk, but she managed to force out a whisper.

"It's Lucy"

On the other end of the call, Lori froze. Slowly, she realized Lucy wasn't there with them, nor had she come with them. Come to think of it, Lori couldn't remember Lucy ever coming home. Twinged with guilt, Lori cursed herself and then worriedly asked,

"What's wrong? Where is she?"

The next sentence would be extremely difficult to say, and Luan never imagined she would have to say it, _ever._

Lucy...tried to...she...tried to kill herself" Luan choked out between sobs.


	3. Chapter 3: The Phone Call

A/N: Hey guys! Sorry the last chapter had a few spelling mistakes. I know the first two chapters were a bit short, and I'm sorry, from now on I'll try to make them a bit longer. That's all, enjoy!

 _At the restaurant, with the rest of the Loud family_

Lori's heart skipped a beat for a moment. _But just for a moment_. Wow. She almost got scared there, until she realized it was Luan she was speaking to. _Not this time, Luan._ Lori sighed.

"Luan, that's _not_ funny."

Luan's reply came fast:

"No, it's not. It's _really, really_ not."

Lori was impressed at how Luan wasn't giving up. She noticed Lucy wasn't there with them, and assumed that she was probably in on this sick joke with Luan. She felt herself start to grow angry. Suicide was _not_ something you joke about. She excused herself from the table and walked into the girls bathroom.

"Luan, I swear to god! I can handle small pranks here and there but this is ridiculous! Just stop!"

 _On the other line_

Luan was shocked. Lori didn't believe her. How? She knew that no one ever took her serious, given her reputation, but does her sister really think she would stoop so low as to joke about suicide? She felt a weird mix of emotions, anger and something else.

"Are you serious right now? You really think... you think I would joke about suicide? What the actual _fuck_ Lori? I'm 100% NOT KIDDING right now. I can't believe you would think that I would lie about this type of thing."

The other end went silent

 _Lori's point of view_

Lori was in shock. Luan _never_ spoke like that, especially to her. Maybe... maybe she wasn't lying. Lori felt an immense wave of fear wash over her as thoughts flew through her mind. _Would Lucy really do that?_ She knew that Lucy could be... distant.. at times, but suicide? She was _fucking 10 years old!_

"Luan, you're serious?" Lori asked in a soft voice, something she didn't do often.

"Completely".

"Okay.. I believe you."

There was a silence, and then Luan spoke in a voice that sounded broken.

"I've called the ambulance. They should be here soon... just... tell the others, and come to the hospital fast, okay? I don't.. I don't know if she'll make it."

Lori hung up the phone. Her head spun and the bathroom turned sideways. Suddenly she was leaning on the stall door, gasping for air. She wanted to cry, scream, shout... but she knew she had to tell her family, fast. They had to go to the hospital. They had to see her, _maybe for the last time._

Lori ran out of the bathroom and over to the table with the rest of the family.

As soon as they saw her, there were looks of confusion as everyone stared at her. _Why wouldn't they? Her hair was a mess, her mascara ran a little, and she was just standing there like a fucking dumbass._

We need to go" Lori said, shaking.

More stares of confusion.

"Why? Are you okay, Lori?" Lincoln asked.

"WE NEED TO GO. To the hospital. Right now." Lori shouted. She was pretty sure the whole restaurant was looking at her now. She didn't care.

"Lori!" Her mom hissed. "SIT DOWN"

Lori took a deep breath. It was going to be hard to say what she was about to say.

"Lucy tried to kill herself" she said quietly.

No more stares of confusion. Now there were stares of hurt, shock, skepticism.

"She might die" Lori choked out, about to cry.

Rita was the first to talk. She stood up.

"We need to go."

 _Back at the scene of the crime._

Luan strokes Lucy's hair. Tears stained her face, her hair was coming out of its ponytail, and her clothes were now soaking wet from Lucy. She didn't notice. She didn't care.

She heard sirens. Flashing red and blue lights illuminated the hallway through the window.

There was a knock on the door.

She forgot about that.

She wasn't going to leave her sister on the ground here to go open the door. In fact, even if she wanted to, she didn't think she _could_ get up. She tried calling out but her voice was hoarse and not much noise came out.

After 60 seconds the door pounded open and she heard footsteps run up the stairs and into the living room. Someone lifted Lucy off of her. She could hear the words of someone talking to her, but couldn't understand what the words meant, even though she knew very well it was English.

Once the person realized she wasn't going to talk, Luan was helped of the ground and walked down the stairs, out the front door, into a white vehicle with flashing lights. They sat her down on a chair as she watched them wheel in a stretcher with her sister on it, breathing mask and everything.

 _The rest of the ride was a blur filled with sirens, voices, and flashbacks of pills lined up on a bathtub._


	4. Chapter 4: The Waiting Room

A/N hey guys! So I decided I will be answering questions right here at the beginning of the story, so feel free to ask and it will be answered in the next chapter. For right now I only have 2; feel free to skip them if you don't care, and enjoy!

Also I re-read my previous chapter and realized I'm a fucking dumbass. I'm sorry about all the spelling/grammar mistakes, in the future I will re-read my writing carefully before posting it. Thank you for bearing with me :-)

Q: Was Lucy r*d?

A: Nope! If there is any confusion please go back and re-read the first chapter.

Q: Do you take requests?

A: Yes

 _At the hospital_

Luan sat in the waiting room. They just got to the hospital 10 minutes ago, and the rest of the family wasn't there yet, but she was sure they were on their way. She had already answered the police's questions, and after 10 minutes they had finally left her alone. They wouldn't let her sit in the room with Lucy, even though she was family. Luan didn't really know what to think right now. Everything happened so fast, and it was all a horrific blur.

Suddenly the doors burst open. She didn't look up, but she could tell by the amount of noise that it was her siblings and parents. They looked around, and after seeing her, ran up to her. Luan looked up.

"Luan is it true?" Lana asked, her voice cracking a little. "Did Lucy-"

"Yes" Luan whispered, staring off into space.

"Oh my god" Leni said, covering her mouth with her hand.

Rita sat down next to Luan.

"Honey, what happened?"

Luan opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

Then the tears came.

"She was-I found her in the bathroom...the tub was full...and there were.." she couldn't finish the sentence.

Rita hugged her.

"Honey, it's okay. It's okay."

 _5 minutes later_

Still no news. Lori looked horrible. She couldn't believe she let something like this happen. She had always been there to protect her siblings. Always. She mentally kicked herself. How could she not realize Lucy wasn't there? In the car both the first time and the second time, and even at the table? She was on her phone, not even paying any attention to it, just mindlessly/anxiously scrolling. This was becoming a habit when she didn't know what to do.

Lynn looked like she was going to throw up. She _saw Lucy. She saw her that night and didn't do shit about it. Now she was going to die, and Lynn didn't even get to say goodbye._ She felt like throwing up. She was _going_ to throw up. Lynn stood up and bolted to the bathroom to puke in the nearest trash can. When she came back she was shaking uncontrollably, and noticed the others staring at her as she sat down.

After a few minutes of silence Luna spoke up.

"Luan?" She whispered. No response.

"How did it happen? What did she.. do?" Luna asked softly but anxiously.

There was a few seconds of silence, when Luna was sure she wouldn't get an answer, Luan softly spoke.

"I was going to the bathroom and the door was locked. I got it open and she was.." her voice cracked a little. "She was laying in the tub and.. and there were.. there were.. pill bottles lined up on the edge of the tub and she was just.. _laying there._ She wasn't breathing."

The room went dead silent. It was one thing to hear about it, but to envision it? That was even worse.

The nurse walked in.

"Loud Family?" She called.

Rita and Lori stood up as everyone else stared at them hopefully.

"Lucy Loud is your daughter?"

"Yes, is she okay? Is my baby okay?" Rita cried.

"Yes, it appears she had a large drug overdose. Since she's only 10 and her system is weak, we're not sure if she'll make it or not. Right now we're in the process of removing the drugs from her body, but we'll let you know when you can see her."

"How long do we have to wait?" Luna asked.

"I'm sorry, but we're not sure. I promise I'll get you in as soon as possible, but she's in critical condition right now and the doctors need space to work on her." With that, the nurse left the room.

Hey guys! I know this chapter is short but I'm kind of having trouble coming up with ideas right now and I just wanted to get this chapter out. Sorry it took a while to get this chapter up. I wanted to know... would you prefer shorter chapters that get uploaded more frequently or longer chapters that take longer to posted? Let me know.


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